01.23.2010 | Happiness Project | 27 comments
At least once a week I have a dream about my Mom. The other night I had a dream that my Mom came back to life. It was so real, she was talking to me and smiling just like I remember her. I woke up confused and started to have a panic attack realizing that it was just a dream. I quietly prayed and calmly talked myself out of the fear. Since she died, I have been bitter, angry, and so sad. Things that normally wouldn’t bother me, Iv’e allowed to dig inside of me and cause stress, anger, loss of faith & loss of hope. All the tragedy I see in the world has been very discouraging. I feel like every where I go I see someone who is suffering physical, emotionally, or financially.
I will love my Mom forever and ever and ever, but I need to move on.
As I read this BLOG and this BLOG. I was reminded of faith and hope. These individuals are amazing! Iv’e never even met either of them, but they are such great examples to me.
Last night as I was watching Hope for Haiti, Halleluja came on. That is one of my favorite songs ever and it hit me to the core. My trials are miniscule compared to the tragedies and losses other people are suffering.
I was inspired by my friend Kara Layne and this BOOK to start finding joy and happiness in simple things. Last weeks challenge was to simplify my home by tossing out junk! I got rid of 8 trash bags and about 6 boxes from the kitchen and family room alone! It is amazing how much happier you are when your house is organized and clean. I would say week one was a pretty good success:)
While trying to find happiness in simply things I looked out the window the morning after the storm and watched these two birds.(I love twiggy trees:) The bird standing on the hire branch was definitely protecting the bird on the lower. I was thinking how they must have protected each other during the storm and how blessed they are to have one another.
I also watched this video over and over this week. Trying to remind myself that there is hope for all the people who are suffering in the world.
“When one door of happiness closes, another opens; but often we look so long at the closed door that we do not see the one which has been opened for us”.
Helen Keller
01.23.10 | Happiness Project
kristine atienza: you guys are amazing... i'm gonna start my own happiness project now too. thanks for the inspiration. xoxo. (23/01/10, 11:54)
Kerri McConnell: Even though our situations are different, we've both suffered pain etc. I'm so glad you are beginning to move past this. I've just started myself to move forward. You are absolutely correct, there are so many people worse off. It can be hard to remember that... Maybe I need to simplify the house! :) big hugs to you! (23/01/10, 11:55)
saundra: Oh Angie....I dreamed of my Dad last night too. It's not something that often happens so I relish when it does. He was happy, healthy and acted as though nothing was wrong. When I woke up I had to shake myself to determine whether he really had passed or not, I couldn't discern dream from reality. I too have had a hard time and feel sometimes I have pushed it deep down. So many people rely upon me to be strong and move forward. But it surfaces inside with physical feelings of fatigue, heart racing and panic. I've realized I have to let myself have bad days once in awhile (yesterday was one of those days). But I also try to take the time to relish happy moments or unexplained things that make us smile. Please know you are not alone. We are certainly blessed, as there is someone that is suffering more than us. And it will take time to feel better and may be a continuing process. Thank you for your post, it meant a lot to read it. (23/01/10, 11:58)
Matt Sloan: wonderful post angie. :) (23/01/10, 12:05)
Kara Layne: Angie, I cannot tell you how much you have been in my thoughts these past few weeks. Although our experiences with death are completely different, I understand the anger and the bitterness. Remember that those who have left before are us are watching us finish the race ourselves. Lean on Matt, lean on your children and look in their eyes to find your happiness. It's there. And remember to talk about your mother to your kids. Allow her legacy to live on through you. You are a beautiful person, Angie...one of the most genuine people I have had the pleasure of knowing. My prayers and thoughts are always with you. And shoot...we need a girls night. With lots of chocolate. (23/01/10, 12:07)
Jenna: Sister I'm with you all the way. We will never forget Mom and all our memories of her. But she's happy and she's watching us, and you know she's sad when we are unhappy. We must move on with happiness, but we will always miss her terribly. But that doesn't mean we can't move forward with a new faith and a new hope for the new things to come in life. Mom would want us to move past this, and I think your Happiness project is the perfect start. Love you my kindred sister forever!!!!!! PS keep that house organized, my back hurts from helping you LOL just kidding, I loved it. I think I need to make a career out of it:-) (23/01/10, 01:50)
Bambi: My dear sweet Ange, My heart aches for you and your siblings. You will never forget your "Mom"! As you know it has been 29 years since my precious "Mother, Nanny" left us to go to the other side. Never a day goes by that I don't think of her & miss her sooo much. Just think your mom & nanny are together, of course Beckham & "Papa". They are so happy and pain free. They hurt,I am sure when we are unhappy. We have to think positive and move on. Serve others! Remember all the experiences are to see how we will grow and become stronger. We have to be strong to help others and endure to the end. Satan as you know wants us to knuckle under, be unhappy, discourged and lose our "Faith". To question why things happen. We know everthing happens for our "Good". We are never alone, you know that.You are such a precious "Child of God". Please let me help you when I can, Grandmothers, are good for something.I hurt when you hurt, someday you will understand.When you become a Grandmother. You will say I know what Bambi mean't. Much love my Angel for time and all etrnity, Your Bambi oxoxooxoxooxoxooxoxooxooxoxooo (23/01/10, 04:58)
dusty brown: Happiness is all around. Sometimes we just have to look a little harder to find it. This is a great piece of happiness. :-) (24/01/10, 06:50)
Alicia: Angie- I lost my mom a month ago. I know that you have the support and love of so many people, but sometimes all you want is to have her back. And as much as you find comfort in the knowledge that she is not suffering, it seems so unfair she's not here. This is a poem my friend sent me. For me, it was poignant. I hope maybe it can be something special to you, too. I keep your family and your mom in my daily prayers. : ) "Death is nothing at all. It does not count. I have only slipped away into the next room. Everything remains as it was. The old life that we lived to fondly together is untouched, unchanged. Whatever we were to each other, that we are still. Call me by the old familiar name. Speak of my in the easy way in which you always used. Put no sorrow in your tone. Laugh as you always laughed at the jokes we enjoyed together. Play. Smile. Think of me. Pray for me. Let my name be ever the household name that it always was. Let it be spoken without effort. Life means all that it ever meant. It is the same as it ever was. There is unbroken continuity. Why should I be out of mind because I am out of sight? I am but waiting for you, for an interval, somewhere very near, just around the corner. All is well. Nothing is hurt; nothing is lost. One brief moment and it will be as it was before. How we shall laugh at the trouble of parting- When we meet again. " (henry scott holland) (24/01/10, 11:17)
Millie: So I know we arent good friends, but I always find that girls nights are the best cure for down days! I dont have much experience with death, but I do know that they dont go far. (24/01/10, 12:31)
Natalie Norton: I have a HUGE hug for you when we finally meet. You are such a strong, brave, beautiful little girl. Your mommy has got to be profoundly proud of your courage and heart. xo! (24/01/10, 12:39)
Jessica Lynn: thanks for sharing. my dad passed a year and a half ago and i'm still bitter at the world about it. i'm a fan of your little happiness project and think that i might give it a go. (24/01/10, 01:30)
Sarah Rhoads: Oh Angie, I feel for you in ways I cannot begin to describe through a simple comment on your blog but know that you are not alone and that it is okay to feel sad, frustrated and even angry. I remember having a very similar dream about my dad when I was 16, I dreamt of him walking in the house and saying that he hadn't passed away my sister and I were overjoyed... I woke up running downstairs thinking it was real only to find myself in a puddle on the floor. So I can relate and I feel for you Angie. What is interesting is I now only pray that I can have dreams of my dad.... they are rare blessings that make me feel closer to so many parts of him I fear I have forgotten. I pray that one day dreams of your mother can become blessings. And hold on to that hope Angie. love you, Sarah (24/01/10, 04:33)
Cathie B.: Angie I found your blog and had to read... I am so glad I did. Boy can I relate to you and what you are going through right now. I never thought I would come out of the fog, and now ten years later here I am, still standing. I remember only briefly thinking that I would never ever be able to function normally again. No joy, no happiness, no nothing. Just waiting until I can see Brett again. I too dreamed about Brett, all the time. Not just weird silly dreams, but real "I was with Brett last night" dreams. I came to understand that those dreams are real, and that they have great meaning. We have to be open to them, and our loved ones can communicate what they need to say to us through those dreams. Sometimes it's just them trying to comfort us, to tell us something specifically. I am so grateful for them because they got me through those first few years. They don't come as often now, but when they do, they are purposeful. I learned that losing someone you love is like living with a gigantic hole in the middle of your living room floor. At first, that hole is so big you are constantly falling into it. You sink into despair and cry the days away.. then you climb out and function. Days go by, weeks go by and you realize you aren't in the hole as much even though it's still there. Then years go by and sometimes you just have to go into it. But you can come back out and you're okay for awhile. But the hole is always there... you just figure out how to live with it. I hope you find the peace on this path you are now on, and that you will always find your sweet Mom there walking beside you. That little bird up there? She's watching over you... (24/01/10, 09:36)
Corissa: I am reading the Happiness Project right now and it is so wonderful! She is really reminding me to enjoy the little things in life and to slow things down. It is a wonderful read. p.s. good for you on cleaning things out. I also feel so much better when i de-junk. (25/01/10, 11:55)
kate lines: angie- this is awesome. my dad passed away 13 years ago, and i still dream about him often. i love it, its a link to him. this is beautiful. (25/01/10, 05:50)
sarah goodman: You are the bestest angie...what a beautiful heart you have! :) (25/01/10, 10:06)
Denise Smith: Angie, what you are going through is so hard, I can't even imagine, but what a positive way to look at things and find peace within. You seem to be doing a great job, and keep your eyes focused on prayer as you have been that's all we can do at times, is leave everything in his hands and let go (which I at times find quite hard to do). Take care sweety!! (26/01/10, 09:35)
Tamara Nicole: I TOTALLY love that song too:-). Watching the Haiti fundraiser on Friday definitely put my life in a different perspective. Thing's like losing a family member is soooo hard, but there's always someone out there with hardships that are worse. Great attitude there girly, and hang in there! (26/01/10, 09:27)
Cheryl Peterson: Hi Angie, I was just checking out your blog since it's been a while. I'm so sorry to hear about the loss of your mom. Although my mother is still alive, she has Alzheimer's and we no longer have our weekly long chats. I miss her terribly. I feel for you. I had "one of those days" today too. And I came on here. Thank you for reminding me that there are so many things that are bigger than my little daily trials and that I truly have so much to thank God for. (27/01/10, 09:13)
Chris Hunt: Great story, great work, great. (28/01/10, 01:55)
amelialyon: Angie, I love you, your are strength to me! Thank you for this beautiful post...I think I need to take part in the happiness project! Miss you girl! (29/01/10, 04:06)
jenn king: what the heck...these are unbelievable!!!! i'm in shock. (29/01/10, 06:12)
Nichole: I'm sorry for your loss, but I admire your perspective on life. When I tend to dwell on sad happenings in my life I read this blog www.sheyerosemeyer.com/blog/ I find that her words help me to be a better mother, and overall person... (31/01/10, 10:12)
~abi~: angie, my heart aches for your loss. my younger brother was killed last year while serving as a green beret on a mission in the philippines...so i understand what you are talking about! thanks for being an example to me, through this post, to "be happy"! (04/02/10, 01:33)
katrina + andrew = sedona bride: i'm so sorry for your loss angie... and i'm glad to see your beautiful perspective in life... i was just talking to my dad about how we see love in little things ... he said that there are so many things every day that God shows us love through ... most of the time we're just too busy to see it... so it's awesome to see this post and see you seeing love and happiness in the little things... thanks for your beautiful post... it's inspiring! hugs to you and your beautiful family... katrina (18/02/10, 12:27)
ash: angie, how blessed I am to know you. this is such a beautiful post, and I am so proud of your strength to share it. (21/03/10, 05:55)